she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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