pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
