..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
birth control should be required to get into college
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
