call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
