mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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