Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It's Friday. Sex?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
