I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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