Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
