windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
