Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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