Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
