im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
where are you?
Hypothermia
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think I sprained my soul last night
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
