would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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