Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
