Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
