Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
