My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
