I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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