i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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