I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He passed out mid-signature
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
