So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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