You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
