I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
