we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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