Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
