you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
