she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
