Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
