he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
