Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
