Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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