i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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