I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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