I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
