Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
