I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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