fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
