Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
