For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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