He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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