Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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