Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
