GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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