There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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