did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
