No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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