I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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