I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
