what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
