I think I died a long time ago.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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