I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
