So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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